Weathering Emotional Storms
“When you dive into the center of what feels impossible, you may feel like you’re disintegrating and parts of you are dying.
Don’t stop. Keep moving. Keep melting.
Soon you’ll come out on the other side to healing, wholeness, redemption, awakening and peace. Once we realize that we have been lost, we are already on the way Home.”
— Barbara DeAngelis
This photo was taken a few weeks ago in Sarasota, Florida. Peter and I had the pleasure of visiting our friends, Marla and Ed, who were “snowbirding” for the month of February. In the days we were there, Marla and I rode bikes, ran along the shore and kayaked while Peter and Ed played golf. We all relaxed on the beach. One afternoon we enjoyed a beautiful sunset sail. It was a glorious time!
With days like these, it is easy to embrace the words, “You are exactly where you are meant to be.” But having “fun in the sun” is not how life always is. Who wants to hear these words, let alone believe them during times of hardship? We do not want to suffer, but pain is part of the human journey. The challenge is to have compassion for our suffering and reap the learning from difficult experiences.
A few years ago, I had a very different February. A major upheaval in my life was underway. A community that I loved dearly was splitting apart. Instead of being on the sandy shore, I felt like I had been thrown overboard. I thrashed about as overwhelming waves of anger, sadness, distrust and confusion consumed me. I struggled to keep my head above the emotional waters. For months, I ping-ponged between the fractions hoping to help bring together the divided pieces. My head ached from listening to the disparate voices. My gut clenched in pain.
Peter watched the disturbance take hold of me. One morning while lying in bed he said, “You need to take care of yourself.” His statement was a much-needed reminder. I turned my attention to my “screaming” gut and gently placed my hands on it. I said, “I hear you. I will take care of you.” With this simple acknowledgement, my gut let go. I visualized stepping out of the water and onto the shore. As I regained my footing, I felt a wave a peace and calm take hold.
It became clear that I had to remove myself from the drama of a trauma, I had no control over. This unsettling event offered an important lesson in self-care and letting go. It strengthened my values. As a result of it all, I discovered a newfound freedom.
It took many months for me to grieve the loss of a community I had poured my heart and soul into for years. Gratefully, I had a support system and the skills to navigate through it. I still feel sad when I think about it, but I have made peace with the way things turned out. Looking back, I can now say, “I was exactly where I needed to be”.
During trying times like these, we need the support of family, friends and experienced professionals. Peter’s caring words brought me to my senses, literally the pain in my gut. Clear-headed, I did what I know how to do: listen to my body. When I listened, I became aware of the path I needed to take.
This process is the foundation of my practice. I guide my clients to listen to their bodies to more skillfully surf the emotional waves of life, connect to their inner resources and tap into their resiliency to better care for themselves.
If you find yourself overwhelmed by strong currents of emotion reach out for help. You do not have to do it alone. I know it is hard to imagine that life will get better when you are in the wake of an emotional storm. Keep moving through it, one day at a time. Trust that you will get to the other side. It will end.
Five things to do when going through an emotionally challenging time:
Plant your feet on the floor. Grounding yourself creates stability and helps the flow of emotion.
Breathe deeply. Breath modulates emotion. Make sure to exhale thoroughly.
Listen to your body. If you feel pain in a specific place, put your hand there. Ask what it needs.
Be kind to yourself.
Seek help.